Goldfingers FC 2 – 1 Croydon Red Star

12 09 2011

You know what it’s like. You wait and wait and wait for something you have missed for so long. And then suddenly, it’s here and it’s gone for an indefinite amount of time. Like The Boneyard for Kenwyne.

After a hugely long summer, with no tournaments to keep us busy, Goldfingers FC were back, as their assault on the Premier League (of Wimbledon) commenced. First up, Croydon Red Star. Who play in blue. Obviously.

Would the pre-season training have any impact? With a new boss at the helm, GFC started with a new look 4-1-2-3 formation. Paprazzi Darryn Lyons started in nets, Cranners and Weird Ben at right and left back respectively, Liam and Rudd in the centre of defence. Dewesrat occupied the holding role with Pano and Berry ahead of him. Kenwyne started out right, while Phil caressed the left touchline like a convict holding a piece of soap (no australian reference intended). Little Diamo started up top. A bench of Leroy, Rob and Kano looked on wistfully…

New manager Mark Pemberton thinks of his starting line-up

The match got off to a stirring start as Weird Ben nearly gave GFC the dream start as a floated ball from the right met the marauding enigma, who headed downwards. CRS’ keeper did well to get down low to his right to prevent what would have been the bizarre buffoon’s second goal of the season.

The match settled and soon GFC’s pre-season started to show. The ball was being stroked around the back more fluidly than the keynote speech at a “BackDoor Convention” (ask Weird Ben). Comms from Rudd were clear and the full backs were able to get forward. The pressure was getting to CRS a little and their number 10 soon lashed out. #handbags

The breakthrough soon came. A long throw from the Cranager caused chaos in the box. Phil had the opportunity to finish, but thought it would be a better idea to sit on the ball. Fortunately the Panotron was on hand to bundle the ball home.

GFC looked comfortable – CRS had had only one real chance, which was skied over the bar. Two more great chances came our way. Berry got to the byline and pulled back. Little Diamo controlled well and laid into the path of Weird Ben. Again. Buoyed with confidence, he decided to hit it off the outside of his boot. It didn’t go in. Minutes later, Phil played a sweet ball to Diamo, who elected to lob the keeper, who was on his way out, but it went wide.

However, disaster soon struck. A speculative ball through was played by CRS. Paparazzi Darryn Lyons, fresh from his Celebrity Big Brother stint, was always first to it, although had to leave his area to get to it. He duly got there first, and put his boot through, only to pile the ball into Liam’s gut. The ball fell nicely for the striker, who was able to roll the ball into the net.

It then started raining a bit, so Diamo went off to cover his clothes. #prorities

CRS were never really in it in the first half and they were lucky to escape a booking when Phil was upended. It looked as though the half was going to end even, but Dean Kiely lookalike, Peter Dewes, had other ideas. Picking up the ball 30 yards out, he just lashed at it. He hit it harder than you would hit a ginger stepchild. It flew through the air, smashed the back of the net and restored our lead. 2-1 at half time.

The second half was a much scrappier affair and there genuinely wasn’t too much to report. Leroy came on for Phil and we were reminded of two things very quickly. A) the gunt, which duly controlled the ball within about five minutes and B) he blazed over from five yards. Fortunately, this was caught on film and recreated using the power of 3D TECHNOLOGY… The last two seconds of this film could not actually be more accurate:

More chances came and went, the most notable being when Berry was denied from six yards and from the resulting melee, Kenwyne scooped onto the bar from four… Kenwyne and Weird Ben made way for Rob and Kano, but the match ended 2-1.

A strong performance, but should have been more. Lots of positives to take and, at the end of the day, three points is three points though, bitch.





3 responses

13 09 2011
Sam Diamond

Love the video.

13 09 2011
Sam Diamond

By the way, I was covering my bike 😉

13 09 2011

Harsh and not fair at all. The ball was pinged in and bouncing all over the place and it was at least 8 yards out and there was a 7ft tall monster in nets!!!
Bet you all would have missed!!

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