Things I hate about football

26 11 2010

As Kaneo is away and he showed me how to do this I am going to take advantage of this opportunity and write an entry on something I always seem to be doing – moaning about football.

This was inspired by the fact i saw Nicolas Bendtner come off the bench for the Arse and I realised how much the way he runs annoys me. So I started a list of other things that annoy me about footy and it seemed to go on and on and on…….please add anything you hate, I’m sure there are loads of things I’ve missed.

I hate:-
– The way Bendtner runs

Bendtner - why does the way he runs annoy me so much?

– The way John Terry is so obviously a complete cock

– That Joey Barton earns £X thousand a week

-The shape of Phil Dowds mouth

Funny shaped mouth - even worse when he is speaking

– Peter Drurys commentary (thinks he talking about a Shakespeare play)

– Alan Smiths voice (permanent nasal tone)

– Some of the journalists on talk sport in the morning (the bloke from the mirror is the worst, Darren Lewis, terrible, I always switch station when he starts speaking)

– Alex Ferguson’s continued blatant lie “there is money in the bank”


– Sepp Blatter, unbelievable that this guy is still in charge.

– The soft treatment of big clubs by refs (especially when they r at home) and if the other fans or manager complain they are accused of having a “small time club mentality”

– False promises: Capello “I will pick people on form, not reputation”

Barry - no form

Wilshere - in form

– Fat Frank Lampards’ refusal to retire from England despite being utter shite

– Capellos refusal to drop him

– The way virtually every top decent league in the world is always won by one of a maximum of 4 teams

– “Celebrity” fans

– Jake Humphrey on BBC (doesn’t usually do footy but can’t stand him)

– Linekars teriible jokes on MOTD

– Tottenham fans who say they are “big time”

– “Lifelong” fans who have barely been to an actual game in their “lifelong” support

– Tony Pulis

Pulis = anti-football

– The fact that Blackpool play in orange

– Obviously anything to do with Sheff Utd (pigs)

– “Sir” Dave Richards – the England equivalent of Sepp Blatter (only worse) : complete cock
(click here to see this article for more of the “leader” of Club England and our illustrious “Chairman of the Premier League”)

"Sir" Dave Richards - Knows absolutely nothing about football, but has one of the most powerful jobs in Englands national game.

– The way Jeff Stelling always ignores the fact Dean Windass can’t actually speak

– Why despite anything previous Germany ALWAYS do better than us at any actual tournaments

– The term “never fail to disappoint”

– Supporting a team that people always describe as a “sleeping giant” when it just keeps getting worse and worse

– Mark Lawrensons hair

– Phil Thompson : He could at least pretend to enjoy it when he is summarising a non-Liverpool game

– Robbie Savage’s tweets (if you follow him you should unfollow him now) should be called Robbie Chavage


– 11a side teams who play in pub football or the equivalent but still insist of doing a warm down

– When someone says “you can’t buy the title” – blantantly this is completely untrue.

– Those nets that look like ur Grans knitted them

– Gareth Barry

– Scottish fans who bought Argentina shirts when they played England in 2002

– The fact that divisions 3 and 4 are now called leagues 1 and 2

– Rubbish sponsors

– Cristiano Ronaldo

Is there anyone who actually likes this guy?

– Teams playing reserves in the FA Cup (it was so good when I was younger, now its virtually worthless to the bigger clubs, which ruins its overall value)

– The top 4 all getting into to the European Cup

– Andy Townsend still being on the telly

There are loads more and I could go on for days. But the main reason there is so much to hate is because I love it so much. I love football, my life would be immeasurably worse without it.


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7 responses

26 11 2010
The Garv

That Alan Shearer is a respected pundit when he is shit and boring with it!

That Gary Lineker thinks he is witty.

That Robbie savage seems to be on every fucking BBC radio and Tv football programme when he is a complete dick!

That managers of football teams are prefixed by the term Mr…”Mr Capello” this , “Mr Ferguson that”…it’s fucking Fabio and Alex…they’re no better than you and me!

26 11 2010

Colin Wanker (anag)

Motson having his own ways to pronounce peoples surnames (Drogba being one)

Ray Houghton on talksport, thinking if u havent played the game as a pro u cant have a opinion.

Women commentators (in the kitchen please)

Manish and Claridge on Football League Show

Fans turning up late and pissed to matches, resulting in disasters then those fans blaming anyone else but themselves.


Chris Morgan.

27 11 2010
Rich Carruthers

The way Hansen’s neck turns crimson on MOTD.

Nani always hitting free-kicks into the wall or row Z.

Berbatov’s shrugs at team-mates.

Tevez’s neck scarf.

Ancelotti’s left eyebrow.

Glen Johnson’s bird’s nest.

Lack of robot from Crouch.

Crouch snaring his Mrs.

Van der Vaart not sharing his Mrs.

Harry Redknapp’s head always shaking like one of those nodding dogs idiots put on their car parcel shelf.

Wenger’s failure to see fouls committed by his players, but perfect vision for vice versa.

Mexican waves.

27 11 2010

Jesus, some people have far too much time on their hands……
BTW I hate Hitler and Man Utd but I reckon I hate Man U more!!

28 11 2010
Dougal Fergusson

Next entry: Things You Love About Football.

But while we’re on things we hate… footballers referring to themselves in the 3rd person. Main offender:

What’s good for Rio Ferdinand is good for Mr Cappello.

I always hated Russell Osman, Ipswich 80s. Don’t know why.

28 11 2010
father of the groom

Excuses why Wembley pitch is crap.
That stupid woman on Football League Show.
The decision to play butterfingers in World Cup rather than Joe Hart.
MKDons for stealing someone else’s team rather than getting into league by own merits.
Last 10 mins at Old Trafford yesterday v. Blackburn were boring.

29 11 2010
Roberto Mancini

I can’t believe there is no mention of Craig Bellamy yet….

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